I lie back just driftin' and play out these scenes. I ride on the rush of all the hopes and the dreams.

I'm optimistic.
I truly am.
Today was a bright and snowy morn.
Hour delayed... buses. For Logan.
But I got a ride with Em.
Schedule was thrown a loop.
But. the day went as best as planned.
Chorus was fun.
I love Mr. Dalton and his snippy remarks.
They assume me.
He's a kooky guy.

Last night.
One of my best friend's.
Had a mental down.
And I felt helpless to help her.
All I wanted was to hug her
And tell her everything would be okay.
But I couldn't: space and miles divide us.
"Trust you're heart
Let fate decide to guide
These lives we see"


Musical reherasal
None.
Had time to relax
And enjoy the half day.
Awaiting my mother
Took take me to get a I-tunes gift card
Buying UGLY BETTY and more
Off I-TUNES.
:-)

I'm truly happier.
Be it cause Exams are finished?
Be it cause New York is calling in three days?
Be it the exicitment of Broadway's lights on Tuesday?
Who knows.

But. I'm happy
"I couldn't be happier.
Simply couldn't be happier."

"Gray skies are gonna clear up
Put on a happy face
Brush off the clouds and cheer up
Put on a happy face.
Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy
It's not your style;
You'll look so good that you'll be glad
Ya' decide to smile!
Pick out a pleasant outlook
Stick out that noble chin;
Wipe off that "full of doubt" look
Slap on a happy grin!
And spread sunshine all over the place
Just put on a happy face!"---- Put On A Happy Face, Bye Bye Birdie.

"All of my life I've been a fool. Who said I can do it on my own"

Musical is in full swing.
"We're a family... we're so much more than just you and I."
And of course: It snowed.
One hour delays: what a slight waste.
Oh well. Sat on the computer and mused myself with myspace and Broadway chatter.
As I said: Musical has begun its stride: We've gotten through one song. Maybe two.
I'm fairly surprised at how we've progressed.
Its moving slow, but thats how complex the music is.

Saw some great movies recently:
Freedom Writers: starring Hilary Swank: I was suprised how much I loved this movie. It was truly a testament to the real life Erin Gruwell and her success with the kids of 203.

Dreamgirls: It truly deserves all the hype it's been getting. Jennifer Hudson and Eddie Murphy were fabalous: Very deserving of their Golden Globes. Beyonce was fantastic as well. Anika was adorable, and I'm Telling You WAS breathtaking.

Exams.
Yay. Fun.
I only have one tomorrow.
Consumer Math.
Then STUDY HALL.
:-)
Bollar for an 90 mins!
Oh dear GOD!

Sometimes I think way too much.
About things
Over analyze
Over react.
I think I just need to be more trusting.
And I need to keep my thoughts of others need to STOP coming out.
"The mouth of The South" as Elyse deemed in study hall.
I wish I could stop.
But.. gossip's a drug... and I'm addicted.
But. I'm going to try and stop.

Also: I love being on stage.
But I feel like I'm being too me and not enough of the character.
Thats changing as well.
I'm gonna be VERY in character.
Thats my goal for BRIGADOON.


"Look at me
Look at me
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I'll be better than I am
I'm trying to find a way to understand
But I need you
I need you
I need a hand
I am changing
Seeing everything so clear
I am changing
I'm gonna start right now, right here
I'm hoping to work it out
And I know that I can
But I need you
I need a hand

All of my life I've been a fool
Who said I can do it on my own
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dog nights have I known?
Walking down that wrong road
There was nothing I could find
All those years of darkness
Looking for some light"

--- "I Am Changing": Dreamgirls

"Anything is possible when you love someone. Even miracles? "

BRIGADOON has appeared at Kingsway.

And the cast is set.
I am the father of Fiona {Elyse} and Jean {Megan}: Andrew MacLaren
Justin and Shawn are Tommy and Jeff, our heroes, respectively.
Rounding out our lovely cast is:
Monica as Meg, the "experienced" girl in town.
Joey as Charlie, Jean's fiancee
John D as Mr. Lundie, the myth keeper/school teacher
Cameron as Harry as the angered suitor of Jean.
The ensemble features many people from the past and new faces.
We had our read through today.
I talk quite a bit, and am onstage alot.
I am truly pleased with my role.
I would love to have been Jeff, but hey, I am happy.
Plus, Shawn is HYSTERICAL as Jeff.
I am truly exicited for this show.
We're doing 3 shows this year.
We've got alot of work ahead
But, this could be BETTER than "Anything Goes".

The music is BEAUTIFUL.

Its very melodic and haunting.
And its appears and vanishes.
Like... Brigadoon itself. ;-)

Also: The Golden Globe-winning ABC comedy Ugly Betty has become one of my favorite shows. I am truly looking forward to the new episode tonight.

Adorable, isnt she?
"This character is truly bringing a new face to television and in such a beautiful message about beauty that lies deeper than what we see."
---- America Ferrera, winning her Golden Globe for Ugly Betty.

"What a day this has been!

What a rare mood I'm in!

Why, it's almost like being in love!

There's a smile on my face for the whole human race!

Why, it's almost like being in love!

All the music of life seems to be like a bell that is ringing for me!

And from the way that

I feel when that bell starts to peal,

I could swear I was falling

I would swear I was falling

It's almost like being in love."---- Brigadoon

"You'll never find peace by hating, lad. It only shuts ye off more from the world. And this town is only a cursed place, if ye make it so. To the rest of us, 'tis a blessed place!"

---- Andrew MacLaren, Brigadoon

"You went upstairs? Why didn't you just crawl into bed with her and have her read you a bedtime story? "

Another OPENING. ANOTHER KINGSWAY MUSICAL.
Another round of auditions.
Dalton has begun his webful game with me.
He now makes jokes with me.
Its very nice.
I am enjoying my postion as the clown to his genius.
My audition went pretty well.
I read with one person then stayed and read with three juniors including Monica.
It was very fun.
The song part was pretty good.
Sang "Almost Like Being In Love"
a classic BRIGADOON number.
It was pretty sweet.
I liked the song, much.
Me and "my cast list" to which Lauren alerted Dalton to about our "casting session" in Health.
But it turned into a running joke, to which Dalton wanted to see my "casting list"
He laughed and smiled at me.
He's a crazy man, but he's amazing.
And very sure of what he wants.
And he "what he really, really wants" is to have a good musical season.
And I throughly agree.
This being my LAST Kingsway musical.
Here's to BRIGADOON.
And the possiblity of getting a good role?
We shall see.
We shall just... wait.
and see.

"There's been a change in me, a kind of moving on,Though what I used to be, I still depend upon.For now I realize that good can come from bad.That may not make me wise, but, oh, it makes me glad!

And I--I never thought I'd leave behind my childhood dreams.But I don't mind, for now I love the world I see.No change in heart--a change in me."---- Beauty and The Beast.

"What is the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof?. Just staying on it I guess, long as she can."

The final curtain.
The final night.
The final time the cat climbed on her roof and roared.
The last night of the show was fantastic.
Eric, Joe, Monica, Megan were all ON.
Performances to live by.
The final curtain call came with the cermonial gifts to the directors.
Director's chairs. And a fantastic speech by Big Daddy-Eric himself.
"What a touching display."
And our senior gifts: a Poontang inspired photograph in a tin frame.
I shall treasure always.
Curtain puller and prompter was a fun experience.
Do it again- sure.
The experience taught me something: you can't always be the spotlight grabber.
Sometimes you gotta let those who most deserve it have the spotlight.
The show itself: was a great experience.
It taught me about life and to cherish the moments in it.

"You won't live with mendacity? Well, you're an expert at it! The truth is pain and sweat and payin' bills and makin' love to a woman that you don't love any more. Truth is dreams that don't come true, and nobody prints your name in the paper 'til you die"--- Big Daddy.


And to learn something from the great works.
Is really what its all about.
And no, The hokey pokey isnt what its all about:
Its all about: family, life and the pursuit of happiness.
Thank you, Tennessee Williams.

BRIGADOON.
On its way.

"Fools fall in love in a hurry. Fools give their hearts much too soon. Just play them two bars of stardust. Just hang out one silly moon."
---- All Shook Up.

"Tragedy blows through your life like a tornado, uprooting everything. Creating chaos"

The curtain rose and fell: correctly.
Surprise, Surprise.
Not much to report.
The show had a better audience last night.
Eric and I continued to chat about our lovely peer.
Coming soon: JESUS LOVES US: by Bon Jovi.
And of course we had some unruly audience members:
"My grandson's in this show" the grandmother said to me.
10x every two seconds during RUMORS, freshmen year.
I wanted to scream.
At the end she spoke "That was fun"
Oh oodles of fun.
So, annoying audience members, are nothing new to me.
Tonight---
The last show.
The last hurrah.
The last "straight play" of my senior year.
Will tears be shed?--- possibly.
Words of encouragement?--- of course.
A few hard to deal with people--- yeah.
But in the end.
The curtain will rise.
And the curtain will fall.

Thats all that can be certain of.
At this moment.

"All they say is "Trust in What is Written". Wars are made. And somehow that is wisdom"
--- Spring Awakening.

"I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand."

The cat stood on the tin roof.
And it was damn hot up there.

The actors who deserved it got the praise
Those who stunk got too big for their briches.
The odious smell of mendacity hung in the air.
GOOBER was stiff-stiff-stiff.
The arrogance of the GOOBster infected a anger in me.
I disliked it, I wished the REAL person meant to play the role had shone in the spotlight like decided at auditions.
But no, we had a second-rate bastardized, asswhipe.
Upon the curtain's PREMATURE entrance into the final scene.
I backtracked and ate shit.
I got my composure and attempted at a graceful curtain call.
Let's just say: The cat didnt fall off the roof. The prompter/curtain puller tripped and will be seen next fall.
I got an ear-full from our lovely director this morning and the arrogant GOOBER attempted to give his two cents. I told him where to go during Chorus.

Sometimes you just leave things where they fall.
And let those responsible take the reigns and deal with issues
Don't try to be the hero, GOOBER.
And don't think you're a star.
The stars are BRICK-hard and BIG DADDY-approved.

From here on out: my mind is in BRIGADOON.
and focused on how the curtain may fall on the cat and her roof.


"And thats where it's at. Now run and tell that!"-- Hairspray.

"Jump off the roof, Maggie."

The stage.
Its set.
Its all about whats about to start.

The actors: The good ones, are ready.
Will we fall flat or will be the hit of the town?
"Time will tell. Little brother. Time will tell."

The bastard. The completely untalented, useless, 80's headcase, bastard is horrific. I wish it could be a complete rave. But it just can't. All I've seen in the past month or so has been crap. A fraud. A lie. He's horrific, folks. Is it possible for someone to be untalented, horrific and a bastard: He comes pretty damn close.

I really think Eric puts it best: " God damn you fucking talentless, ignorant, pompous, indignant, stiff-as-a-board, overstuffed, know-it-all hack of a pathetic waste of flesh."

But beyond that and our useless crew: Justin, puts it best: "The definition of schlepper-Lazy ass, good for nothing, wanna-be's who pretend they can act but really are just there because they have nothing better to do. SURE there are some members of the "crew" that genuinely care about whats going on....ie: you. but other than that handful of people, there isnt* much integrity or dedication

I've never been more agravated than now.
Just waiting for me to open that curtain tomorrow and watch and listen to this. Those like Monica, Eric, Becky, Joe and Megan who have WORKED their asses off for this, to make it the best and I mean BEST it can be: They deserve much better. It like how in life, the slacker always get by while those who achieve and work, only get so much. It ridiclious!

"Avarice, Avarice, Greed, Greed!"

I think I've covered it all.

And I pray. That when the curtain rises: those who deserve the spotlight, get the praise, not those "half way there, living on a prayer."