"Hey dad look at me. I'm sorry. I can't be perfect."

Why do I always feel like I'm not good enough.
Completely not what you want in a son.
Father, why do you turn from me?
Am I that shameful.

Maturity. I lack.
I need to grow up, you claim.
I'm trying, but. I feel like I'm changing.
These last few months will change me.
You'll see. I'll be "so much better than before"

I feel like a complete outcast
In my own family.
I don't feel like anyone really loves me.
Except my mother.
I know she loves me.
My brother and sister hate me.
I hate them, or atleast I claim I do.
I just want "the Brady Bunch" or "The Patridge Family."
"Gotta problem, son, Let's solve in 22 mins or less!"
Yeah right. How easy life would be
And yet how dull.
My patrichal problems have effected me since an early age.

I blame all my problems on my relationship with my father.
He called me an "It" to my face as a young child.
Don't get me wrong, I've had pleasant moments with the man.
But they are few and far between.
If he's not yelling at me or making light of my problems.
Its like I don't exist and I don't matter.

This summer.
Changing will occur.
I'll grow up.
Change in a way.
"I'll be the best version of me for you."

I always want to say that.
I'm looking to change my life.
I'm looking forward to a brighter future
A healthier, more successful future.
But don't get me wrong.
I'll still be goofy and the usual Rob.
Just more focused on whats at stake
And the future.

Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown. Walk on. With hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone

Hm. Life's been boring.
Basically.
Shakespeare Fest has been fun.
I'm in Hamlet.
I play King Claudius.
set in the 1920's.
Sounds cool, doesnt it.
It's well cast.
It's well directed.
The show is May 3rd.

Went to see Carousel
at Clearview. With Sammy Jo.
Basically, I was blown away.
The leading man was amazing.
Jenna was fantastic.
Mike, Kevin, John, and Angela in the ensemble were great!
They had a REAL carousel that moved.
The show was extremely sad.
I cried twice.
Especially when John B [the lead guy] sang.

Basically thats been it.
I still miss Brigadoon.
I still see some Brig kids during school.
Can't wait till senior trip!
Florida is gonna be sweet.

Can't wait to see West Deptford's Briggg.
In a few weeks.

Oh and I'm on spring break.
Five day weekend?
Fun?
Hm.
Basically. this entry is over.



"Yesterday was not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today with every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
That the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see
But I'm finally catching on to it
Yeah the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is where I'll be

Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
Yeah I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for you
A better version of me for you"

----- Up & Up by Relient K.