"When you walk through a storm: Hold your head up hide: Don't be afraid of the dark. You'll never walk alone."

I love Carousel.
Especially that song.
So, I've decided:
I'm following my own path
My dad may not like it.
But I'm gonna do it my way.
And no one else's.
I'm reapplying to Rutgers
And applying to Rowan
For the spring semester.

Last night I visited my best buddy: Shawn
He is currently up at Rutgers: New Brunswick.
However he has since told me he dislikes it up there.
And wants to come home very badly.
He replied to my deprerssed rant before
And told me how he was envious of me
Which was a switch, because I was envious of him.
Last night, however, he wasn't miserable.
We walked about New Brunswick and talked.
It was fantastic and we got Coldstone Creamery! [Snickers/Chocolate/M&Ms = love]
And we played an intense game of Uno
And Tom Merichko and Shawn played chess, which was intense
And the three of us kept singing "Springtime for Hitler."
It was great.
Way much more brighter than the last time
When I became miserable.
So yeah, had a blast.
Apparently Shawn is trying to transfer to Rowan.
So, I decided to atleast apply for spring semester.

Life is gonna be great, if I get alittle love from fate and God.
And I get lucky and get into either: Rutgers: Camden or Rowan.
I'd die to go to school.
I need something to do.
I'm miserable without something to do other than work.
So yeah.
Looking forward to going school :crosses fingers:

So yeah, that's life as of right now.

Theme Song for Rob:
Emmett:
There's a chip on my shoulder,
And it's big as a boulder.
With the chance I've been given,
I'm gonna be driven as hell.
I'm so close I can taste it,
So I'm not gonna waste it!
Yeah, there's a chip on my shoulder,
You might wanna get one as well.

Elle:(Sung)
Yes.
I've been smiling and sweet and thoroughly beaten,
Blowing my chance.
Let's not chase him away,
Let's face him and say,
Hey punk, let's dance!
This chip on my shoulder,
Makes me smarter and bolder.
No more whining or blaming,
I am reclaiming my pride.
Grab that book and let's do this,
Instead of doodling hearts all through this.
Now, there's a chip on my shoulder!
Let's see him knock it aside.

Emmett: (Sung)
Guess you got a chip on your shoulder,
Maybe some wise man told her
With the chance we've been given
We've gotta be driven as hell!
She was something to see there,
I'm just happy I could be there.
First big test, and she aced it!
She's so close that she can taste it.
She got a chip on her shoulder!
Guess you never can tell
With little Miss Woods comma Elle!
No, you never can tell!
With little Miss Woods comma Elle.

-----Chip On My Shoulder, Legally Blonde

"Soon all y'all are gonna know much better. I am so much better. Than before."

You tell em, Elle Woods!
Despite not going to the Broadway Flea Market [I blame my Aunt for being "sick"]
And getting hurt twice in one night: A fire + Pepsi = An accident waiting to happen and Rob almost losing an eye, Thanks Adam. ;)

I'm doing "so much better than before." =)
My dad is either not caring or just given up. =)
And I'm happier than I have been in so long.
I couldn't be happier.
Life is pretty cool.
Been working alot.
Hanging out with R*CK. [Inside joke. It stands for Rob*Cathleen*Kelsey]
And I'm gonna go visit Shawn and Adam at Rutgers on Friday, which rocks.
So, yeah I am feeling "so much better than before"

I am addicted to Gossip Girl.
The TV show and the books.
And I love the new show(s), Reaper and Dirty Sexy Money.
I am loving the new TV season.
Had a converstation with a woman at Acme about how much I'm loving it.
Tonight: UGLY BETTY returns!!:


[From BroadwayWorld.com]

And the new show BIG SHOTS looks promising. So, I shall be watching.
Oh yes, life is going pretty fantasticly.
=)

And yes, I'm totally Elle Woodsy right now.
=)
------------------------------------
All of this time I've planed,
I'd be patient, and,
You would love me again.

You'd come to respect my mind,
and at last you'd find,
You could love me again.

And I have turned my whole world
upside down,
trying not to let you go...
Watching you walk away
is like a fatal blow.

WHOA!

Is that my name up on that list?
Does someone know that I exist?
Is this a mistake?
Am I even Awake?
Pinch me now to make sure...

OW!

Yes that's my name in black and white
maybe I'm doing something right
WOW! I feel so much better
Than before!

WARNER!

Sorry I've been a pest
But I guess my best
Was not working with you
But looks like I've found a cure
And I so look forward to working with you

Hey remember when we spent spring break
In the hot tub every night
We said nothing else
Could ever feel so right
Well this might!

Seeing my name up on that list
That beats the first time that we kissed
You thought I was dumb
But I think that somebody's judgement was poor
Seeing my name in black and white
It's like making love with you all night
NO WAIT!
It feels so much better
hello much better
its oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
much better
'cause I am so much better than before

Maybe she's what you prefer
But hey last year I was her
Maybe you will change your mind
But you might look up to find
I've gone on to better things
Better jobs or bigger rings
I don't have the time to cry
I'm too busy loving my name up on that list
kind of a cool ironic twist
who else can I tell?
Oh Wait where's my cell?
Mom will fall on the floor

HEY MOM!

Look at my name in black and white
your daughter's doing something right
I feel so much better

I'll be there on monday nine o'clock
and we will see who walks the walk
NO NO I CAN'T WAIT!
I will be there at eight
When they unlock the door

OH OH
I'll even dress in black at white
See I have not begun to fight
And you'll go OH much better and
OH much better
and soon all y'all know much better

I am so much better
I am so much better
I am so much better
than before!

---- So Much Better , Legally Blonde: The Musical.

"Ring out the bells again: Like we did when spring began: Wake me up when September ends."

September.
Hm. Usually means the start of school.
Not for me.
I sadly must wait till spring semester to being learning once more.
Ugh. Life is so icky, yet fun.
I miss all my friends.
But, not miserable.
I hate work
Yet, I enjoy the money
Love hanging with the people here
Yet hate not having the true blues back.


What is a townie teen to do on a Friday night?
Listen to Idina Menzel and blog:
Instead of going to his ex-high school's football game?
Thats a good plan. Not.
I wish I had a more interesting life.
I wish I was having fun right now.
But, hey. I'm content with my life.
Content to be just me.
Content in all thats been given to me
American Idol concert last week: rocked.
Danced like a complete nutcase.
Rocked out to Jordin and Blake
Ugh, damn Sanjaya: I went to buy a t-shirt during his song.
Poor Micheal Jackson must have killed himself when he heard his "Thiller"

Oh. How I long for New York.
Soon.
Possibly Sunday: Broadway on Broadway.
And then next weekend: The Broadway Flea Market! [heck yes.]
Gonna see all my lovely BroadwayWorld dears.
Having a blast and buying all that isn't nailed down.
And hopefully see a show or two.
:-)

Life can be good sometimes.
Oh well.
Right now life is Idina and blogging.
:-)

"God if you're listening would you have a message sent?
Cause I need to be a better lover, brother, and a friend.
God if you're listening would you come up with some change?
Cause I wake up every morning with a penny to my name.

Don't know much about love cause I get the same crap from every guy,
Don't know how to see the grass being greener on my side,
Don't know much about wisdom without being jaded,
Don't know how to take criticism without feeling hated,
But before I lose everything and everyone who loves me...

God if you're listening would you have a message sent?
Cause I need to be a better lover, brother, and a friend.
God if you're listening would you come up with some change?
Cause I wake up every morning with a penny to my name.

Whoa man, I'm everything I said I wouldn't be,
Standing here with nothing, will you help me?

Don't know how to tell a joke without putting my foot in my mouth,
Don't know how to be intimate if I don't have a crowd,
Don't know how to be hopeful, what if they let me down?
I don't know how to keep myself from hurting everyone..."

---Penny by Idina Menzel

"In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?"

525,600 minutes ago.
I was happy.
Blissful, gleeful.
Life seemed so limitless
Now 525,600 minutes have pasted
And I'm miserable.
Angry at myself, Trapped.
One year ago:
I was a high school senior with endless possiblities: On my first last day.
Dreams of leaving the world of this small town behind
Quit the awful job I hold at Acme Markets
For the lights and sounds of New Brunswick, Rutgers to be exact.
I'd be a theater major and my friends would there and I'd be happy.

And one year later:
I'm sitting at home:
About to go to community college with horrible people.
I am stuck at my awful job at Acme Markets: long hours of anguish.
And yesterday I went to Rutgers to visit my friends and I think I almost cried.
It was just as wonderful as it had been when I went for my audition.
Being there and realizing my life wasn't there, was a harsh reality.
A rude awakening.
Realizing my dreams didn't come true.
Realizing how I was the reason I wasn't there.
So many things I did caused me to be in the position I'm in now
I could have been there: If I just been better, better at life.
Better at school.
Better at alot of things

Better- What does that even mean?
Can someone explain that to me?
How could I have been better? How can I be?
If I was skinner or smarter: Would I be better?
Would I have gotten into Rutgers?
Would I not be so damn miserable now?
Would I be that blissfully happy guy again?
Can someone please send me a sign: Of good things to come
Of a bright future I dreamed of.
Of a world better than one I currently live in.
Can someone, anyone find me a new world of unadulterated bliss?

So far since those 525,600 minutes have past:
I've had good times, but the horrible life I live outweighs them.
Living in a house with a parent who doesn't give a shit if you live or die and one parent who desperately is searching for answers to her own problems.
With two siblings who wouldn't understand the plight of a sibling who longs for a life better than that of which he currently lives.
Too busy with football and cheerleading to notice my misery.

Not that anyone will read this, but honestly: who gives a fuck?
Who gives a fuck if I write this to allow myself a bit of relief
Relief from myself.
Relief from my misery.
Is there relief for me?
God, If there ever was a time for you to love me, please send me relief.
Send me someone to love me, to care about me.
To want to be with me and make me forget my problems.
Send them to change my whole world and brighten it.
Change me for the better and for good.

I wish I could find someone like that.
However, like everything else right now: It's hopeless.
Utterly and completely hopeless:
To find love!
To dream!
To do anything!
All of it: hopeless.
Lost, like the dreams and bright eyes of the boy I was just 525,600 minutes ago.

"As they sped past the flashing billboards and bright lights of Times Square: the brilliant lights and louds noises gave her hope."

Gotta love Gossip Girl, folks.
Great books series.
Just began it actually, which it's fantastic.

The quote from my subject is from the last chapter
Of the first book.
I'm getting book number(s): two and three today.

So, Summer has concluded.
Oh what a summer had been:
To update since my last post:

Went to NY and had a blast:
Legally Blonde and Xanadu.
fANADU and Delta-Nu love was spread.
Cheyenne was sweet and awesome
Met an annoying new "friend" ;) [Right, Diana. :) ]
And the LB cast was fun!
Birthday wishes were given
And fun was had.
The lights entranced me
I felt alive
Then we boarded the horrible bus back to reality.

Returned to more FAFSA drama
Which still continues to now.
Had some fun with friends:
Saw movies:
The Nanny Diaries: LOVED it. Oh Miss Scarlett, you are to die for.
Superbad: LOVED it. "I am McLovin." is love.
Chuck & Larry: Not so funny, okay, but yeah. Okay.

And hung at mall and such.
Had fun in hot tubs and pools.
And just chilled.

Into fall we go:
Falling leaves
Chillier temps.
And fall clothing!
And NY in fall.
Two trips soon:
Bway on Bway and Bway Flea Market [counting down the days]

and a four day stay to come in November during teacher's convetion.
Oh so much fun to be had.

As summer drifts into the movie of my life.
I think of all the fun, faces and the future to come.
And all the fun, faces and past I leave behind:
My first post- high school summer behind me.
A tough hurdle to cross, yet I crossed it.
I'm feeling much like Glinda in Wicked during "Thank Goodness" each day:
Her words ring in my mind always from that song.

I leave you now with her haunting words:

" That's why I couldn't be happier
No, I couldn't be happier
Though it is, I admit
The tiniest bit
Unlike I anticipated
But I couldn't be happier
Simply couldn't be happier
Well - not "simply":
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will

Because happy is what happens
When all your dreams come true
Well, isn't it?
Happy is what happens
When your dreams come true!"

---- Thank Goodness from Wicked