"Hey dad look at me. I'm sorry. I can't be perfect."

Why do I always feel like I'm not good enough.
Completely not what you want in a son.
Father, why do you turn from me?
Am I that shameful.

Maturity. I lack.
I need to grow up, you claim.
I'm trying, but. I feel like I'm changing.
These last few months will change me.
You'll see. I'll be "so much better than before"

I feel like a complete outcast
In my own family.
I don't feel like anyone really loves me.
Except my mother.
I know she loves me.
My brother and sister hate me.
I hate them, or atleast I claim I do.
I just want "the Brady Bunch" or "The Patridge Family."
"Gotta problem, son, Let's solve in 22 mins or less!"
Yeah right. How easy life would be
And yet how dull.
My patrichal problems have effected me since an early age.

I blame all my problems on my relationship with my father.
He called me an "It" to my face as a young child.
Don't get me wrong, I've had pleasant moments with the man.
But they are few and far between.
If he's not yelling at me or making light of my problems.
Its like I don't exist and I don't matter.

This summer.
Changing will occur.
I'll grow up.
Change in a way.
"I'll be the best version of me for you."

I always want to say that.
I'm looking to change my life.
I'm looking forward to a brighter future
A healthier, more successful future.
But don't get me wrong.
I'll still be goofy and the usual Rob.
Just more focused on whats at stake
And the future.